Dieting is real tough

Hello IGWers,

I am not dieting, but I have heard more diets around me than I care to mention. Everyone is always trying to find another way to lose weight. Following are some diets in which you may or may not lose weight.

1. Don’t eat- That is right. This one is tough and not recommended. Holding out on this one too long and you are in a world of hurt. Not recommended for anyone.

2. Just ants- Unless you are an anteater this is not recommended.

3. Only fruit juice- If you like, but any time you encounter an actual fruit, you’ll want to throw it at someone.

4. Only meat- Dr. Atkins has convinced a lot of people. He died kind of early. I don’t know what to think here. This one is terribly tough if you are vegetarian or vegan. Tremendous results for those that have done it right.

5. Only chips- I didn’t actually lose any weight, but I successfully lived on chips for a couple of weeks. By the end I was crushing other people’s chips though. I didn’t want to smell Cool Ranch or the more popular Cooler Ranch. How cool are you after 14 days of belittling me?

6. Only the dollar menu at McDonald’s- Sorry folks this is called college. Done it and me and Mr. Hamburgler are no longer on speaking terms.

7. The empty calorie diet- Done it plenty. After 5 days, my liver is shot and I’m so hungover I can’t tell you the time of day.

8. The 3 month grocery diet- Having waited an estimated three months between shopping trips I was eating some real interesting stuff at the end of my stint.

9. Only gingerbread houses- This one is seasonal and marginal at best. If you hit a competition you are locked and loaded though.

10. The recalled food diet- I’ve eaten the food. It is terrible, but this diet produces tremendous results. You are bound to get sick and lose boatloads of weight. Slight hint of organ failure and moderate to high chance of death. Not recommended for anyone.

Hope you enjoyed the diets.

Hondo

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